his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
