that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize