and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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