So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
