I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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