I feel great
I just peed on a car
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
