She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
