Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
