Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
