We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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