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Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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