Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
