I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize