you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
