you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
