Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
