So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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