nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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