I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
