Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
