sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
