ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
