turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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