remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize