There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
