Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The air was thick with penises
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
