honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize