Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
