i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
