I just pynch a tree in the face
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
