Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
