pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
