her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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