Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i will never coherently bang her
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
