Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
