No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
