dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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