If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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