just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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