I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize