nut hugger
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
