My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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