Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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