You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
