Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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