well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
