dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
