it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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