I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
