consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
