Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
