I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
