I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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