he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
