oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
