i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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