I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
