I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
