shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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