The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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