living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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